Having My Soul Ripped Out Upon Waking

 

I’m not someone who subscribes to the whole idea of “the one”. I think “the one” is someone who you find that works and you both decided that what you have is worth fighting for. There is no ultimate “one”.

I have had a few relationships where there was a profound soul connection. For one reason or another, the relationship didn’t continue. I think we have soul partners that we know from another level of consciousness. We like to meet up in this egotistical human world and help each other grow. I am sometimes drawn so heavily to certain people for many reasons. But when you spend more time with these people, you quickly realize that there is something way deeper than, “hey, we have similar interests and stuff.” Even deeper than super amazing conversation.

Where something deep inside of you is magnetically drawn to this other being and you pretty much can’t keep from getting together.

I have this certain type of dream a couple of times a year and they are wonderful and torturous. Absolutely torturous.

They are all in different scenarios. So I never know that this is the dream. The reoccurring part is the relationship that I have with seemingly the only other person in the dream.

This isn’t someone I meet in the dream, it is someone I already know. Someone who has always been around however not someone I know in my “waking life” (that I’m aware of anyway). At some point he enters the dream and it is very apparent that we are meant to spend our lives together. That there is absolutely no question about it whatsoever. It just is. There is not that heavy feeling of “finally, we have met!” It all is just very simple.

The relationship never has the feeling of ‘maybe’ or ‘not really’, ‘I need some time to figure it out’ or any sort of uncertainty. It is simply a ‘yes’. A calm, content ‘yes’, no matter what. There is no stress or unrest surrounding the “no matter what”. It is all very matter of fact and sits right within every fiber of our beings.

The most recent dream was a little different from the dreams in the past. This time I remember commenting on how this seemed so lovely that it must be a dream, but in the dream, it wasn’t a dream. We laughed at the concept. This time I got to see his face. He didn’t look like I anyone I recognize but that doesn’t really mean much to me. I don’t remember his face specifically at this point, only the general structure of his body (which happens to be fitting with the general body type that I am most attracted to). But I did very clearly get to see his face. I got to touch it. I got to kiss it. This hasn’t happened in these dreams before.

Despite getting to experience this much detail of him, there was still a feeling that it wasn’t quite time. There was still more he needed to take care of before we could remain together. But it was all there. It actually exists.

And then..

I woke up.

The fact that I have to continue on with my “normal” life knowing that this love exists, that it exists in my heart and in my soul and in the heart and soul of another but that it isn’t time for us to share it with each other is quite possibly the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. It feels as though this love it is literally being ripped out from deep within me. It is..Fucking. Tragic.

At some point, I get past the tragedy of it and these dreams provide me with a sense of hope and well-being knowing that it’s there for me but that it just isn’t time.

I don’t know why it isn’t time to share it with another in the way that I dream. I sometimes hate that it isn’t time yet. But my resounding faith in the timing of All That Is sets me at ease and I continue on.

But still..the longing I feel in my heart to share it with another on this level can be a bit much at times. It’s literally almost too much to bare.

The great part is that I know that this love isn’t limited to what can be shared between two souls. I know that this love is actually within me, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to dream of it. I know that I need not wait to share this love, to let it grow and develop within me and around me at any and every moment of every day.

IMG_3569Lincoln City, OR

This rock held me before I even climbed onto it. It set me at ease before I was aware of it’s power. It told me that there are others like it far and wide (whom I will one day meet!). It shared with me, so openly, it’s little secrets that are only hidden if you don’t look for them.

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