Could I wake up tomorrow morning and decide that I could be whoever I wanted to be? And then actually be that person?
I think so.
Anyone can, but when we’re in the same environment, with the same people and the same same same everything, we end up being the same, doing the same. We’re expected to be the same by those who know us, those we associate with and by ourselves.
When we decide to change, not everyone we know appreciates or understands that. They often don’t deal well with it. And that’s ok.
But where does that leave you? Me? Where does that leave me with myself?
I so often hold myself the same, up to the standard of someone else. All with my own personal responsibility of course, but the same as you expect. The same as I expect even if it’s not what I really want. Even if it’s not the best I think I can be or want to be.
I love who I am but I have more to be. There is more of me to be me’d and I fully intend on achieving my me-ness to the best of my ability.
I have worked tirelessly, continuously, happily, angrily, frustrated, spiritually, slowly for years to get my life to get to the point that I’m at now and I’ve only just begun!
I have worked to get to the place where I can wake up and be whoever it is I want to be that day. So right now I am Carrie, The Corvid Drifter, traveler, and I am Carrie, Bellow Wing, musician and I am Carrie, so much more.
I sit here on the eve of my departure. My adventure has already begun long ago but this part of it is brand new.
I head out into a vastly different life than I have ever lived. I don’t feel scared, anxious, excited or overwhelmed. I am calm and content. I have faith in the timing of the universe and it’s ability to provide exactly what I need, when I need it. I have faith in the timing of the universe to put me where I need to be for others just when I need to be there. I have faith that if I go forth into the world doing what I love and loving the people around me, then the world will unfold before me, perfectly in sync with all that is.
Right now I am calm, in fact, I’m the most calm I’ve been in months. I have worked so hard to get here and I’m not bouncing off the walls with excitement. This is because I know that yes, I have done the work but that I didn’t do it alone and there is still work to be done. I take that very seriously.
The world does not revolve around me and my actions. My actions revolve around the world. And that, my friends, is major. I am a key player in this thing and yet one of millions. I have my part, it is small but great.
I owe it to everyone I come into contact with to share the greatest bits of me with love, compassion, understanding, creativity, enthusiasm and authenticity.
I felt stifled doing the same thing day after day, being tethered to people, property, employment. I know that many great people are not stifled by these things but energized.
But I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy to find purpose without a routine.
Within my old routine, I found much purpose in fighting my way out of it. And now that I’m out, well, now what?
Now it is important for me not to get lost in all of the other tasks I must do just to be able to share my gifts. It is important for me to not push those gifts aside out of fear and run back to the comfort zone. It is important for me to wake up each day, unapologetically me, with all the passion and gusto that I am and to share that with you.
The rest will work itself out.
See you out there my friends!!